The Surprising and Hilarious Things Parents Say to Their Children

The evening was winding down, and my three children were full of energy. We had just finished an hour of backyard play—tag, hide-and-seek, and a lengthy hopscotch game drawn in chalk. A chilly fog rolled in, cutting our outdoor time short. While my husband gathered the toys outside, I ushered the kids inside. Everyone was tired, myself included. In the rush between playtime and bedtime routines, these are some of the things I found myself saying:

Emiliano, we don’t spit in this house!

Oh, Ella, honey, people might not understand if you say they’ll die forever.

You can stand on my back, but no jumping.

Please don’t lick the baby.

At the time, I was focused on managing the chaos, but later, once the children were in bed, I burst into laughter. Parenting has brought me joy and many unexpected moments. I anticipated the sweet ones—admiring my babies’ tiny faces, introducing them to fruits and yogurt, and even the challenging ones like diaper blowouts and soothing overtired toddlers. I knew I’d laugh at their strange questions and phrases. But I never expected how much my own words would turn unexpectedly absurd.

Have you found yourself saying anything similarly unexpected to the children in your life?

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