Why Some Are Shedding Their Father’s Name: A Personal and Psychological Look at Surname Changes

She explains that she had always “hated” the surname inherited from her father, which contained a profanity that made her a target of teasing at school. “I didn’t want to be associated with it,” she says.

Adopting her mother’s surname brought a sense of relief, and Maggie says she now feels “more like myself”.

“I wanted to be part of my mum’s family,” she says.

Dr Becca Bland, a family counsellor and coach specialising in estrangement, notes that individuals who are distanced from or estranged of a relative may change their surname as a psychological defence mechanism to “help you separate yourself from something that could be problematic or traumatic”.

She adds that a name change spares them from repeatedly stating a surname tied to unhappy memories or to a family with which they no longer identify.

People estranged from their parents may experience grief, loss and freedom, says Dr Lucy Blake of the University of the West of England, whose work focuses on family relationships. The experience can feel isolating, she notes, as individuals fear being judged by others.

Blake rejects the claim that younger people end contact with relatives “without much thought”. Research indicates that such decisions are typically made “with a great amount of care and consideration over time,” she says.

In England and Wales, a name change can be done via unenrolled deed poll, completed independently or through a private firm for a fee, or by enrolled deed poll through the High Court for £53.05 ($71), which creates a public record.

If you were born or adopted in Northern Irelandexternalyou can either change your name by deed poll or recording a change of name in the presence of a legal representative, which costs £35.

If you were born or adopted in Scotland, you can change your name by sending an application to the National Records of Scotlandexternalwhich costs £40.

Changing your surname can come with some hurdles.

In England, Wales and Scotland, if you are under the age of 16 you need the consentexternal of everyone with parental responsibility for you.

Maggie says she waited until 16 to make the change, when she did not need her father’s consent.

“It was so frustrating when I was so sure it was something I wanted to do,” she says.

You also have to update government bodies and companies including the Passport Office, DVLA, the Student Loans Company, your banks and your GP.

For Hannah, in California, changing her surname took around three months and cost her hundreds of dollars, including a $400 filing fee and $130 to put adverts in a local newspaper. She described the latter requirement as “so outdated and odd”.

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