Touchdown celebrations are typically designed to intimidate opponents, ignite crowds, or announce that the player holding the ball is the coolest person in the stadium.
Then there is Kirk Cousins, offering a tribute to soft-tissue maintenance.
Naturally.
The Raiders quarterback might be the only player in the NFL capable of turning a touchdown celebration into an employee-appreciation ceremony for the training staff—and somehow making the explanation even funnier than the act itself.
That self-awareness is the sneaky charm of Cousins, whose perceived corniness often obscures a sharp sense of humor. He is perfectly comfortable being the “dad in the room”—secure enough to realize there is something genuinely cool about being unapologetically uncool.
Against the Jets on Sunday, that meant unveiling what he dubbed his “wellness celebration” after scoring on a quarterback sneak.
“We do a lot of tissue work here, and at my age, it’s especially helpful,” Cousins said.
It was an all-time setup for a postgame explanation.
Cousins detailed how the Raiders have invested heavily in the specialists who help players maintain their bodies, providing a level of care he has come to appreciate after previous stops in Washington and Minnesota.
“I tell the guys, ‘Look, I’ve played elsewhere. This is a luxury. This is a blessing. We didn’t have this other places,'” Cousins said.
Most players dream of scoring a touchdown and striking a signature pose. Cousins apparently dreamed of scoring one and recognizing the people responsible for keeping his muscles cooperative.
“I said, someday, if I run for a touchdown, I’m going to give a shoutout to all the staff who work so hard to help us feel good and be one of the healthier teams in the league,” he said.
There was just one problem.
He forgot.
Fortunately, tight end Brock Bowers was ready to serve as the celebration’s quality-control supervisor.
“I’m jogging off the field and Brock, who doesn’t say much, goes, ‘Hit them with the wellness celebration,'” Cousins recalled.
Cousins needed a moment to process the prompt.
“I said, ‘What?’ He goes, ‘Hit them with the wellness.'”
That sentence alone deserves a place in Raiders lore.
“So, I stood there, looked right at him and did the elbow,” Cousins said.
A tribute to a treatment technique. An assist from his normally quiet tight end. A quarterback fully committed to the bit.
Cousins may never shake the “corny” allegations. But when the punchline lands this well, why would he bother trying to fight them?
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